I know what it feels like to tolerate or even desire something that’s unhealthy for you. Like a guy who wants to keep you at arms length so you’re at his disposal—accessible when it’s convenient for him, but still far enough that you can’t hurt him or call him your own. If you’re in limbo with someone who makes just enough insinuations to keep you reading between the lines, looking for clues, searching for a reason to keep waiting…and waiting…and waiting… only to see that the waiting was not worth it, I’m here to write out the words you’ve buried in the back of your head. I’m no better than you. You are no more naive than me. I’ve been where you are, so I’m not going to say, “you know better than this” because you’ll just tell me that you know him better than me. And you’re right—which is why it’s time for you to be honest with yourself. I’m not here to argue with you. I’ve just come to speak the doubts you’re too afraid to say out loud. I haven’t come to offer you cliche opinions or pretty catch phrases. I know too well that recycled advice can’t penetrate your soul or tame the ache in your bones when insecurity and fear suffocates the voice of reason clawing at your conscious. I’m just here to give your dignity a fighting chance by turning the volume up so you will hear the truth you already know.
Know that the more you feed a craving, the louder it will demand another bite. Know that it’s your choice to nurture or starve these cravings because they’re carving you into who you’re becoming. Know that people pick each other like flowers, and we’re all being pressed into each other’s pages, so choose wisely which stories you tuck into. Don’t climb into the stories of those who pretend they want you to fill up their pages when you know they’ll keep your corners dog-eared for too long before picking you up again. Know that it isn’t valiant or sexy to wait for things never promised. And know that while you will get second chances and new mercies with every daybreak, what a drag it is to keep choosing something that drains the color from your cheeks and empties the joy from your eyes with every sip. What a pity to fill a man with expectations when you’ve seen puddles left in his tracks. What a tragedy to let him occupy a role in your one wild and precious life when you could be pressing your smile into a shoulder that upholds your beautiful soul. I don’t care that he wants your lips if he doesn’t care for your happiness. I don’t care if he wants your body if he doesn’t want the life attached to it. Don’t accept affection that’s braided with manipulation. Don’t yield to hands that mold you into a shape that will never fit into his future. Why would you want his laugh when it mocks you for needing what he won’t offer?
If he isn’t offering you the consistency you deserve; if he is not reciprocating the kind of love you want to cultivate; if you’re tired of making excuses for him and tired of ignoring the truth, then peel yourself from his page. This may not be for you, but if it is, I hope you do what’s best for your heart. You’ve only got one, after all.